I am the Eggman, that’s who I am.
Whether you call him Dr. Robotnik or Dr. Eggman, he is undoubtedly a video-game icon, right up there with other video-game mad scientists like Dr. Wily from Mega Man and Dr. Neo Cortex from the Crash Bandicoot games. To his credit, unlike most of his peers, Bottnik usually takes the fight to his enemy but as a result he’s been featured in a load of really dumb and bad boss fights, especially in the first two Sonic games.
I decided I would highlight his personal lows as a mad scientist and as a video-game villain. Here goes…
10. Ice Cap Boss Fight (Sonic 3)
“Hey, Sonic! Hop on! C’moooon! It’s safe I promise!”
I was actually hard pressed to find a bad Bottnik fight from Sonic 3; as I mentioned in the Which was the best Sonic blog, it had the best boss fights of the first three games. Finally I decided I had to go with the Ice Cap Zone fight because this ridiculousness takes the cake. It’s basically a big “come and get me” scenario where you’re supposed to keep hopping on that little platform while avoiding the streams of cold icy air that hurt you. Admittedly it’s not so much dumb as it is just lame and tedious, but I wanted to have at least one fight from Sonic 3 here, so this one will have to suffice.
9. The Car (Sonic 2)
They see me rollin’, they hatin’…
Now, I should perhaps cut some slack since this was only the first boss fight in Sonic 2, but really, all that this fight comprises of is Robotnik driving back and forth on and off the screen while you hit him as he drives by. Eventually the cone at the front of the car shoots out but by then you’ll have won the fight anyway so it’s pointless. Really not a good strategy, to slowly keep driving back and forth in an effort to run Sonic down.
8. The Ball (Sonic 1)
I was gonna make some joke about genital piercings but nothing comes to mind.
We all remember fighting Robotnik for the first time in Sonic 1. How the music suddenly changed, his air ship would come down and his giant ball of death would descend and then… sloooooowly swing back and forth in a futile effort to try and hit you. Now, to Bottnik’s credit, the shining ball of death is fairly threatening looking, but the fact that he’s totally open to attack at the beginning of the fight really ruins his chances of even getting one hit in. This is another first fight in a game though, so I’ll reserve some room for more annoying and dumb fights.
7. Oil Ocean Submarine (Sonic 2)
We all live in a… well, damn! I guess it isn’t yellow, is it.
This one is just pathetic. Robotnik popping up to give you chance to hit him was an effective way to up the stakes in the Hill Top Zone (where he ascended from fire), but this is a joke. Puzzlingly, oil is the one liquid that isn’t inherently lethal to Sonic – it’s really like the quick sand in the Mario games where if you keep hitting the jump button you’ll be fine. This fight is over before you know it, because you and Tails can just keep pounding on Bottnik’s sub while he’s up and it’s not until after that he starts any kind of attack.
When he comes up for the second time the fight is practically over. Just great, come up and don’t do anything, a brilliant strategy.
6. The Egg Clones (Sonic 2)
Another one from Sonic 2. This one is actually just plain annoying rather than inherently lame. The Robotnik clone fight is hands down my least favorite part of Sonic 2. Firstly, you can’t hit Bottnik from any conceivable angle without taking damage. Secondly, you have to get rid of all those damned clones that pop like balloons when you touch them. The fight is tedious and annoying since you have to keep sure you at least have a few rings to cover for when you take damage from hitting Bottnik.
The redeeming factor here is that Bottnik starts using a lethal laser once he runs out of clones but by then the fight is, yet again, over.
5. The Spike (Sonic 1)
Look out below.
Now here’s a concept for a boss fight that could have actually been pretty nerve wrecking. Bottnik removing parts of the floor so that you’ll have nothing left to stand on. A great idea but one that again falls short due to Bottnik flying back and forth at a snail’s pace (can snails fly) and only coming down over Sonic, meaning that he’s easy to manipulate into only taking the blocks on the edges first.
And lastly, because he takes so long to get anywhere he’s open to attack so much that he’ll be lucky to even get the third block off.
4. The Catapults (Sonic 1)
“No, I’m not worried about my spiked balls landing perfectly at the ends of the those curved see-saws. Why do you ask?”
Even though Starlight Zone is my favorite set of Levels in the original Sonic the Hedgehog, they leave off with an absolutlely ridiculous boss fight. Robotnik flies back and forth, now high up enough that you can’t hit him by jumping but instead he’s dropping spiked bombs that you can bounce right back at him using the see-saw catapults.
Now even though there’s a real jeapordy of getting hit by the bomb shrapnel and at least Bottnik doesn’t just hover over one area constantly, it’s a classic scenario of a video-game boss who provides the ammunition for defeating himself. Bottnik, you earned that evil doctorate, you should have more common sense than this.
3. Water (Sonic 2)
“Ha ha! You’re all wet!”
Okay, so we all know that Sonic’s weakness is water. He can’t swim and unlike Mario, he’ll actually drown if he’s under long enough. However, that doesn’t explain why Bottnik thought it might be a good idea to splash him with water as a form of attack. This fight makes me groan with its idiocy, it’s really that dumb. Plus, it’s probably the shortest fight in the whole game, owing to the fact that he’s totally open and will probably not even hit you with the falling water.
Back to the drawing board! Bad scientist!
2. The Giant Robot (Sonic 2)
Sonic: “I’m waaaaaaaiting…” Robotnik: “Shut up! It won’t go any faster…”
The final battle of Sonic 2 actually sounds pretty terrifying. Fighting two bosses in a row, with no shield, no checkpoint or even any rings. Meaning, if you get hurt even once you’ll have to start all over again. That would indeed suck but then you’ll learn that the last two fights are the most simplistic and ridiculously easiest fights in the game. Metal Sonic, you just have to learn the pattern and avoid him. Nothing else to do there.
Then Robotnik gets into a giant robot and walks slowly forward. Then he flies off. Then he lands. Then he shoots. The he flies off again. Wash, rinse and repeat. You can only hit him once when he lands and then run away so his robot arms wont reach you. Repeat about nine more times and the fight is over. I actually feel pathetic admitting that this is the part that I used to get stuck in Sonic 2, thinking the fight was just too darn difficult. Then I realised that it was perfectly simple, just long and f***ing tedious. Go Sega… =P
P.S. Couldn’t Robotnik just keep walking straight ahead to corner Sonic and squish him?
1. Running away (Sonic 1)
Come back, you f***ing pussy!
Well, I guess it was obvious that this one was going to be the winner. This isn’t even a real boss fight, this is just pathetic. The Labyrinth Zone from Sonic 1 is one of my least favorite sets of levels and it’s bad enough that at the end of Act 3 Bottnik just takes off – and then you have to chase him while the water-level keeps rising. And once you catch him, guess what happens. He just flies off, you don’t even get to finish him off.
So it’s really just an extension of the level and nothing more. Later Sega figured out that you could have Sonic chasing Robotnik and fight him at the same time but apparently it was still a thought in process when they made Sonic 1.